My law school is espechully awesum!

Just because I've been free of law school for two years, doesn't mean I don't still enjoy making fun of the institution. Gladly, I am not alone in this:

Daisy: [Our Law School] Alma Mater just sent me a survey!
Daisy: where is the box for "i hate you"
Me: i got it
Me: i was so pissed off
Me: that i didnt delete it right away
Me: instead
Me: i thought about kicking a small child
Me: and i felt better
Daisy: so Alma Mater's server fucked up on saturday
Daisy: and sent The Enabler [Daisy's Fiance]
Me: wait, Alma Mater messed up? no way!
Me: tell me more!
Me: i've never heard of this concept
Daisy: 900 emails
Daisy: of every Law School email since '06
Daisy: flooded his inbox
Daisy: tried to kill his iphone
Me: $150,000 wasn't enough?
Me: They weren't satisfied with taking his dignity? his soul's purity? his anal virginity?
Me: DOES THIS SCHOOL HAVE NO SOUL?
Daisy: exactly
Me: I've had enough this. I'm burning my diploma.
Me: Or I'm just not going to look at it for at least a week

Mike Vick gChat: Whereupon Political Correctness Flies Out the Window

Friend: On another note, I haven't the foggiest idea what the Iggles are thinking.
Me: I love it
Me: Totally mess up the team chemistry
Friend: Didn't they learn their lesson with TO?
Me: Obviously. Not.
Friend: Just insane.
Friend: What's their upside -- over time he develops into a vaguely competent slot receiver?
Friend: Which he has never done?
Me: Maybe he was the receiver in prison
Friend: Nice!
Friend: Because while anal rape is normally a tragedy, if it happens to someone who was convicted of a crime, it becomes hilarity.

I'm so happy that football is back.

Namby CLE: Discussions on a new civil defense

2:26:52 PM

Defense Counsel: Our affirmative defense: Plaintiff was walking at the aforesaid property carrying, among other things, a large bag, a large beverage commonly known as a “Big Gulp”, and two newspapers.
2:27:10 PM

Me: how is that affirmative
Me: and/or a defense?
Me: or

Me: is this a derivative of the Chewbacca Defense?
2:29:36 PM

Defense Counsel: Plaintiff was not in exercise of due care for herself
2:29:55 PM

Me: clearly she was
Me: she was hydrating appropriately
Me: while exercising her upper body
2:31:54 PM

Defense Counsel: I'm calling it the Big Gulp Defense

My mother has always encouraged me to share my faith with others

Artful Blogger: I immediately think “Oh God”
Artful Blogger: But
Artful Blogger: but there is always that other possibility
Artful Blogger: Ugh
Artful Blogger: knots suck
Namby Pamby: yeah
Namby Pamby: they do
Namby Pamby: just gotta stay as positive as possible
Namby Pamby: when that fails
Namby Pamby: turn to faith
Namby Pamby: in single malt scotch

Maybe this wasn't the type of religious discussions that she had in mind...

It’s not the size of the firm, it’s the strength of their pop up blocker that matters

Artful: What do you know about the Hague convention and Italian law concerning letters of request as part of discovery?
Me: Absolutely no freaking idea
Artful: I thought you were a litigator
Artful: You are no help whatsoever
Artful: I am Googling the Hague Convention and Italy to get the answer that I need
Me: I'm glad to see that mega firm attorneys and hack lawyers like me get their research answers the same way
Artful: The information superhighway is the great equalizer
Me: Then your litigation support staff shows up, polishes it, reworks it a little and voila $500 an hour. As for me, I start with the googling, but end up distracted by the ads for free porn
Artful: ....
Artful: free porn.....
Artful: .....
Artful: .....
Artful: .....
Artful: whew-OK I am back
Me: I'm glad that the ambulance chaser can step in and distract the high and mighty super associate

She gets the staples of life, I get the thrill of flying by the seat of my pants

We all know that Daisy got a shiny new job in the corporate world. Let's just say that there are distinct differences in what we go through on a day to day basis:

Me: how be the work thang?
Daisy: you know
Daisy: in at 7:15
Daisy: out at 3:15
Daisy: CORPORATE AMERICA DARLING
Me: You'll come to miss the work starting at 6:00am. Ending at 10 p.m.
Me: Paychecks that may bounce
Me: shitty clients, contingency fees, and you know...court
Me: PERSONAL INJURY LAW DARLING

She leaves her office about the time I am normally eating lunch. Paging Jealous, party of one, Jealous, party of one your table is ready...

Single track minds

Artful Blogger: I need to go a single day without drinking
Artful: This is bad
Namby: I'm not judging
Artful: I have had at least one drink every day since last Thursday.
Namby: That's the definition of commitment
Artful: Yes well...I wonder how healthy it is...
Artful: Most of it has been red wine
Artful: But still
Namby: You only need to worry when you work habit gets to be too demanding on your drinking employment

Five minutes later

Namby: I just wrote Hangover Park on a summons. Whoops.

While we are on the subject, what’s the Diet Coke of Justice?

The Alleged Lady: I find that the phrase "miscarriage of justice" is really disturbing to me
Namby Pamby: Is that nature’s way of aborting justice?
The Alleged Lady: ugh
Namby Pamby: If so, what’s the birth control of justice?
The Alleged Lady: Discovery is the birth control of justice
The Alleged Lady: Mounds and mounds of discovery
Namby Pamby: That’s more like sultry seduction of justice
Namby Pamby: While we are on the subject, what’s the prophylaxis of justice?
Namby Pamby: …The billable hour
The Alleged Lady: I cannot believe
The Alleged Lady: That you just used
The Alleged Lady: Prophylaxis in a sentence