Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Love is blind. Stupid. And possibly close to getting maimed

We know a lot about Jack Bauer (See here, here, and here).

After watching 24 last night, it seems that Kim's new boyfriend didn't get my briefing memos on Jack Bauer, Certified Bad Ass.

So there are a few words of advice, man to man, that I would like to pass on to him:

  • When Jack says 'I want to talk to my daughter alone' don't put up a fight; you should be so lucky to leave the room conscious and with all of your limbs intact.
  • When Jack says leaving his daughter behind was the most painful thing that he had ever done in his life, chances are that this is more than stylistic word play/fancy rhetoric...after all, Jack Bauer has had his heart stopped how many times?
  • Don't be surprised if Jack, you know, asks you to step up for your country or for your 'love' of Kim. Just ask Chase or Paul Raines...in your case, you might be that guy who tests to see if the VX has lost it's effectiveness. [I really hope that you have a dramatic death knell...that would be awesome]
  • When Jack Bauer saves you, the whiny, no-talent assclown [come on, C. Thomas, this has been your career highlight since the movie, Gettysburg], don't be surprised when Kim leaves you and runs off in a sordid affair with Chloe.
Damn. 24 keeps getting better and better.