Friday, February 03, 2006

Jack Bauer 1, Mouthguard 0

In class a few days ago:
--International Law Prof: Once the Missile is in the air, no one can stop it.
--Me: Jack Bauer Could

As a follow up to the list I posted earlier, here is another list of Jack Bauer facts that just filtered through my email:

  • Jack Bauer's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
  • When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
  • If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.
  • Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
  • Jack Bauer once double teamed a himself.
  • When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
  • Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are girly.
  • When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
  • Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who illegally downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
  • When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
  • What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
  • Jack Bauer has shot more men in the face than Elton John.
  • You walk into a bar and Jack Bauer's your wingman, you're probably gonna get laid.
  • If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
  • Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
  • Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.