Summering with Namby IV: Bambi begins his trek back to the forest…

Bambi’s time here is waning. He has been a great clerk, faithful, loyal, hardworking and ready to take the bullet known as my crazy clients. I feel that since he has made it through the last two months, the least I can do is send him on the way with a letter of recommendation to give to his first potential employer.

I know, I’m a sentimental one.

To Whom It May Concern:

I want to commend you on agreeing to interview Bambi as his parole officer has been worried about the high recidivism rate in his family. Hopefully, your decision to interview him has nothing to do with the “Rooney Rule” as I believe that he would be a great addition to your firm.

Over the past two months I have done everything short of sticking bamboo shoots underneath his fingernails to discourage him from pursuing the practice of law:

• He takes my orders to alphabetize 5,000 page files by 18th letter with energy and gusto;
• I only had to ask him to work a weekend once…he volunteered for the rest of them (after I put an electronic shock collar on him); and
• He will excitedly and unquestioningly commit fraud, libel or an assortment of other questionable acts if you tell him it is “just part of being a lawyer”

If you are looking for a hard worker, indentured servant, pool boy or just the comfort of having plausible deniability, Bambi is your man (or woman, depending if you want him to show up in drag).

I highly recommend him.

Very truly yours,

The Namby Pamby
Attorney at Law

I’m sad. I have to find a new Bambi. Or a Bambette.

Summering with Namby Part III: Sacrificial Clerk

The summer is halfway over for Bambi. I’ve taken him to court, dragged him into depositions, forced him to write complaints, motions, f*** letters, had him sign up new clients and many other experiences designed to scare him away from the practice of law.

He’ll be heading back to the land of “Duty” and “Finals” and “Loads of student debt without the hope of finding a job that will allow him to pay it off…ever” shortly so I’ve got to make the remainder of the time I’ve got with him count.

So I fired him.

Which is something that I don’t have the authority to do. But it makes me laugh. And he laughs with me (or at me), so it’s a win-win for all involved.

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Update: Bambi just emailed me and fired me.

I love this kid.

Summering with Namby: Part II

I gave Bambi a pleading to proof read for me (because little details aren’t always my thing). I get his suggestions back and I begin to flip through it when I find this gem handwritten at the end of one of my mangled sentences:

“Ended your sentence in a preposition – how embarrassing”

This kid is going to make a great lawyer.