Friday, July 30, 2010

Summering with Namby IV: Bambi begins his trek back to the forest…

Bambi’s time here is waning. He has been a great clerk, faithful, loyal, hardworking and ready to take the bullet known as my crazy clients. I feel that since he has made it through the last two months, the least I can do is send him on the way with a letter of recommendation to give to his first potential employer.

I know, I’m a sentimental one.

To Whom It May Concern:

I want to commend you on agreeing to interview Bambi as his parole officer has been worried about the high recidivism rate in his family. Hopefully, your decision to interview him has nothing to do with the “Rooney Rule” as I believe that he would be a great addition to your firm.

Over the past two months I have done everything short of sticking bamboo shoots underneath his fingernails to discourage him from pursuing the practice of law:
  • He takes my orders to alphabetize 5,000 page files by 18th letter with energy and gusto;
  • I only had to ask him to work a weekend once…he volunteered for the rest of them (after I put an electronic shock collar on him); and
  • He will excitedly and unquestioningly commit fraud, libel or an assortment of other questionable acts if you tell him it is “just part of being a lawyer”
If you are looking for a hard worker, indentured servant, pool boy or just the comfort of having plausible deniability, Bambi is your man (or woman, depending if you want him to show up in drag).

I highly recommend him.

Very truly yours,

The Namby Pamby
Attorney at Law
I’m sad. I have to find a new Bambi. Or a Bambette.