If I did what I wanted…

I would conclude certain letters with “Please have the settlement check issued immediately. Shitbag.”

I would dispense with the formality around judges I do not like. “Gavel banging law groupie”

I would find creative formalities for judges that like me. “As you wish, your high and mighty lawfulness”

But I don’t. And that’s why I am still licensed, employed and contempt citation free.