Hi Litigation God, it's me, Namby.
We haven't talked in a while since you've banished me to a sea of paperwork. It's not that I blame you for my lot in life; but it would be nice if every once in a while you smiled in my general direction. It's hard to focus on you when all I can think about is making my opposing counsel cower with fear, void his bladder and tear up his law license while giving me a large settlement check.
But I can serve you better. I know I can. I just need the strength to get through the day. Please give me that strength.
Would it be so much to ask to get a client that respected the advice that I gave? Or not lie to me at every opportunity that you get? Litigation God, just once, could you give me a client that didn't cause more trouble than his or her case is worth. Please give me a client with crystal clear liability and a massive deep pocket to pay my one-third.
Now, I do have a job at a time when more and more lawyers are looking for work, and I am very thankful for that. But Holy LG, could you just make it a little easier to get from the start of the work day to the end of the work day without that one e-mail, phone call or fax that just makes you question whether or not the other lawyer has been blessed with a brain. Or humanity.
In the name of the Father, the Son and Antonin Scalia,
Amen.
