Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Man down: A gChat eulogy

A married and dear friend of ours, who shall remain nameless (his wife may answer to the name of “Daisy”), recently created a Facebook page for his dog.

On his own volition.

Artful Blogger and I have realized that his masculinity has finally passed (after a long battle) and needed to be memorialized. We solemnly commemorated our friend’s manlymanness as true professionals, true friends and as true men: via gChat.

Namby: dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in remembrance of our dear friend’s Manhood
Artful Blogger: <---sobbing loudly
Namby: a former virile masculine strapping lad despite his latent love of boats, has passed way too soon
Artful Blogger: (hollerin back) TOO SOON!!!!
Artful Blogger: (sipping some Jack)
Namby: but now once what was strong is no more, what was spritely and jubilant is a vacuous hole of despair and femininity
Artful Blogger: (hollerin back) THE HOLE THE HOLE!! sob
Namby: But all is not lost
Artful Blogger: NO?
Namby: We have seen the damage
Namby: we have seen the sorrow
Namby: we have seen this coming today
Namby: His masculinity will have not died in vain so that we ALLLLL may know what not to do ourselves
Artful Blogger: PREACH IT BROTHER...
Namby: His masculinity will not have shriveled up, popped a collar, sported a bow tie and renamed itself 'sally' for the rest of us to live manly, fulfilling, masculine lives
Artful Blogger: AMEN
Namby: let us pray
Namby: Oh Lord, we thank you for manly things such as nuclear weapons, guns, football, sports cars, steak, scotch and Denny Crane
Namby: We give you mad props for showing us that the good life is to be treasured
Namby: And that you dont let us get pregnant
Namby: Lord, it is a blessing that we can stand, sit or lay down to use the bathroom.
Artful Blogger: Wow...this belongs on a t-shirt
Namby: Without your wisdom Lord, we would never be able to get in pissing contests
Namby: nor any of the other bloodsports that make men men
Namby: It is in your masculine name we pray
Namby: Fuckyeah
Namby: In lieu of drinking scotch in honor of his manhood, his family and friends would encourage you all to kick a small child.
Because, no offense, a Facebook page for your pets is just a little too namby-pamby…