It's like the Twelve Days of Christmas. Only not:
Day OneClient: I’d like to hire you as my attorney.
Me: Great! I’ll get the paperwork together and FedEx it to you right away. Sign everything and send it back to me in the envelope that I’ll toss in the packet. Once we get the paperwork, it’ll probably be several weeks before things get moving on your case. We have to get your medical records and bills, we have to contact the insurance company and none of these steps are quick. Just give me a call back in a month and I can let you know where we stand.
Day FourClient: What’s going on with my case?
Me: Give me one second. [Puts client on hold] Who the hell is this person? [Searches client list, finds caller, resumes the phone conversation] Sorry about that, I just wanted to make sure that I didn’t give you the wrong information. It looks from your file [which I don’t have] that we are still awaiting your paperwork from you.
Client: Oh. I put it in the mail yesterday.
Day SevenClient: How’s the case?
Me: [I know this voice…why do I know this voice… Oh… yeah…] As I told you last week, it’ll be probably be several weeks before I’ll have something to tell you on your case. I’ll call you when I have an update.
Day ElevenSecretary: Let me put you on hold for a second and let me see if I can find him. [I’m walking back in from lunch] I’ve got client on the phone and he is looking for an update.
Me: I’m not here.
Day TwelveMe: This is Namby.
Client: Hey Namby, this is Client.
Me: [Fuck…why didn’t I look at the Caller ID] Hey, sorry I missed you yesterday.
Client: That’s ok…
Me: Unfortunately, I don’t have anything I can tell you about your case yet.
Client: I’m wondering if I could get a loan?
Now if only I can set this to music...