Thursday, December 03, 2009

I wore my nicest tie today (just in case I had an unscheduled rendezvous with the county coroner)

My day in court was defined by having to deal with two people that weren’t lawyers. I don’t want to say that I was really worried, but that chance of unpredictability was definitely at the forefront of my thoughts as I sat in the Courtroom today.

To show why I had a worry about what may occur, you must understand who I was about to deal with in the courtroom:

The Oft-Institutionalized Bat-Shit Crazy Plaintiff

The last time I spoke with her, she was so happy as she was absolutely convinced that this rock-solid case was worth two million dollars. She wanted to let me know that she had just asked J.G. Wentworth for a ten percent cash advance on her pending settlement. I told her that she needed to dismiss her rock-solid case because there was no rock nor solid to her case. That went over like a fart in church.

When I told her that if she did not direct me to do so, I intended to ask the court for permission to run fleeing from her. That went over even better. She had quite a few pleasant words regarding my intellect, my professional abilities and my masculinity. Right before she hung up, she let me know that she was looking forward to seeing me in court. After she had gone to the ARDC.

For some reason, stating that I have an ethical duty to the Court just pisses some people right off…

The Slumlord Defendant

This individual had been served a long time ago but never showed up in Court. Finally, we filed the Motion for Default and had it sent to him in every possible way (*except I did not show up on his doorstep and personally hand him a copy). This finally got his attention. I got a profanity laced tirade phone call on the day he received the UPS package containing my dirty gym clothes the Motion for Default. ‘You don’t fucking mess with me’ was the final wisdom he imparted to me as the phone was slammed down.

Turns out that any anxiety was for naught (suburban courthouses have metal detectors!) because the one factor I left out in my pre-court analysis was the individual in the black robe. The judge doesn’t like dealing with insolent people. that don’t have the common decency to go to law school and call themselves 'Esq.'

If everyone is a snowflake, today was my day with yellow snow.