Today’s 8 point plan for when I’m in charge

1. I’ll ban the use of wheeled backpacks and briefcases by the able bodied (health detriments be damned…Chiropractors and Orthopedists need work too!)

2. I’ll require the destruction of red light cameras. By the most destructive means possible.

3. I’ll imprison those who send faxes that (1) don’t have a coversheet and (2) have zero identifying information and could, potentially, be for 20 different attorneys, paralegals, support staff and/or the janitor.

4. I’ll slap those that walk around with Bluetooth ear-pieces that aren’t actually talking on the phone. I will also prohibit the use of these items while walking in public as seeing a person talk to themselves in this manner freaks me out.

5. I’ll make the mail show up on time.

6. I’ll appoint Kanye West as the Minister of Funny Walks. And put him in a glass box made for mimes.

7. I’ll always make sure the Bears win. And the Packers lose.

8. Finally, all clients will be pleasant to deal with, recently showered and excited to overpay their exorbitant legal bills on time.


What can I say? I have a dream.