Sunday, January 11, 2009

Jack Bauer es Muy Supremo Liveblog

It's been too long since my guilty pleasure has been torturing the evil doers.

But he's back. Finally.

The First Thoughts:
  • Evil Tony:  32% Hotter than Tony with Michelle.  18% Less drunk than out of work, ex-con Tony
  • Jack Bauer needs to tell the Senator to go back to That 70s Show.  Thankfully, the FBI told the Senator Jack is needed to fuck some shit up, you can go back to speechafying tomorrow.
  • Hot Redhead FBI...  Not really a deep thought, just a fact
It just gets better as the minutes tick by:
  • I really want Gary Oldman to reprise his role as the hijacker from Air Force One and ask the President "How's your dress?"
  • Jack Bauer is much more likely to stimulate the economy than Congress.
  • Wouldn't it be awesome if the editors of 24 had decided to intersplice a few scenes from the movie Airplane into this?  "Timmy, you ever seen a grown man naked?"
  • As far as 24 Presidents go, I want President Pedro Cerrano to come back from the dead.  It seems that this season's Madam President is a mix of Hillary Clinton, my male high school librarian, and Bob Gunton's furrowed brow.
Has it really been 40 minutes already:
  • The First Husband is a pussy.  Jeanine Garafalo is a nerd.  Jack Bauer still hasn't shot anyone yet. 
  • As has been said before: Jack Bauer is still the leading exception to the 4th Amendment.
  • The Hot Redhead FBI Agent controls Jack?  These people in Washington are delusional.
Time Flies When Jack Bauer hasn't shot anyone:
  • FBI Operation means what now?  Jack can't tear fingernails off?  Pity
  • Irish guy, with a wicked scar, me thinks is in for trouble.  Hottie FBI just doesn't see it yet.
  • Hottie FBI...I spoke too soon.  You da man.  And now you just gave Jack carte blanche.
  • Pen mightier than...well...everything but that sniper
One hour down and Jack hasn't killed anyone.  Hmm...Disappointing.  I think that RedFBI (that a good name?) is going to be a good partner for Jack.  That is until she gets shot 3 minutes into the second hour.  The president is mere surplussage for me.  I need a good "Behroooooz" scream or a Chloe scowl.  Or something.  

The Following Takes Place Between Now and Not Now:
  • Pilots, I guess, are just like Ron Burgundy.  
  • A mole?  In the FBI?  On 24?  Tell me more.
  • You may take Jack's gun but you will never take RedFBI's freckles.
  • My name is Roger Murdock-san
  • Benevolent Tony Almeida is good.  Commercials are bad (except that T-Mobile family talk commercial is pretty damn funny: "you can call that woman you are always staring at during my soccer game")
He gon get it:
  • Tony is going to kill Jack.  Yes.  I believe this.  Not.
  • Bob Gunton is thinking about the good old days back at Shawshank...stupid Andy Dufresne put him into politics
  • Madam President is showing some leg!
  • One dead FBI Agent is coming right up!  Maybe not.  Intrigue.
  • Jack and I have a thing for RedFBI.  Do you think that they would cuddle after killing a bad guy?
90 Minutes gone...I have the sad:
  • Of course the black guy from Africa is the bad guy.  Racist writers.
  • Jack Bauer and RedFBI are off on a tryst.  Leave it alone bossman, just leave it alone.
It's almost killing by Jack.  I might as well be watching C-Span:
  • First Gentleman Namby Pamby...
  • I feel that some shooting is going to happen soon.  Jack is going to deliver some justice.
  • RedFBI gets hotter by the minute: first the freckles now the gun to Jack.
  • And Jack claims his first victim, poor surveillance camera.
  • You killed him together, what a great first date.
  • They seriously need to teach typing while holding a gun at the government's school of agent training.
  • Bossman just caught Jack and RedFBI In Flagrante Delicto
Well, Jack's Back.  I'm sated.