Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Bear Down

This might come as a shock to some, but I was drinking during the Bears game on Monday Night Football.  As the Chicago Football club proceeded to go into defensive hibernation and allowed the first of two touchdowns in the second half to the Purple Jesus; I began to drink more.  

Once the game was over, I decided to call it a night.  

Of course being the intelligent one that I am, I had yet to put my sheets back on my bed after washing them.  Being slightly buzzed and intelligent, I had the great idea of flipping my queen sized mattress before I put my sheets back on.  This morning, I am here to tell you all that when a queen sized mattress falls on you, no matter how much you've had to drink, it will be slightly uncomfortable.

I am also here to tell you that screaming profanity at the top of your lungs after you've dropped a mattress on yourself will wake the neighbor's sleeping baby who lives beneath you.  And you then must wallow in pain, praying for sleep, while having a crying baby serenade you with an atonal lullaby.