Thursday, March 24, 2011

My client scared me to death

Dear Client:

I know that you are presently in a facility that is not your first choice of residence. I know that you don’t like the fellows and ladies that live along with you behind those cloistered rubber walls because they are [insert your racist reasoning of the day here] ignoring the fact that you were not born in this country. I know that you nucking futs.

Today, however, you have outdone even your multiple personality self with your latest letter to my office.

The handwritten note that starts “Hi Namby, My Dear Namby” wasn’t really the issue that prompted the heart palpitations, flop sweat or excessive swearing when the mail arrived today.

The problem was that in addition to your love note you included a second letter on larger paper. That second letter was all I saw when I opened up the envelope. All that I saw when I pulled out the paper from the envelope were the 5 worst words in the English language for an attorney:


Thanks for causing chest pain.

Very truly yours,

Namby Pamby
No Longer Your Attorney at Law

p.s. It doesn’t matter that this was a five-year old letter or that it was about an attorney that you retained nearly 20 years ago.

p.p.s I don't know why you can't find a guy like me. It could be be that you are twice my age and have none of your original teeth. But stop asking me this's getting creepy.