Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I am Happy Fun Ball

Most of you that frequent my corner of the internet know that I tend to be easy going when it comes to litigation. I have no desire to stress out and fight about useless stuff. Unless you are an ass.

Normally, my corporate clients are willing to put up with a lot of crap from the various Plaintiff’s attorneys (also known as “asses”) that we lock horns with. But after so much fire and brimstone, the clients hit their limit. In this instance, the last court appearance was the final straw as opposing counsel made a non-accusation accusation of ethical shenanigans.

I’m not ready to make this accusation, but I might have to because it’s possible that documents are missing or have been destroyed.
You might as well just say that I am trying to forfeit my law license by hiring the Enron executive team to help out a multi-million dollar corporation over a measly $500,000.

Segueing into today’s activities…

I have spent the last six hours doing two things: (1) billing my time in six-minute intervals and (2) engaging in my favorite activity associated with litigation.

I am now being paid to be a destructive asshole.

In other words, I am looking for grounds to file motions for summary judgment (MSJ), motions for sanctions (Rule 137) and motions to embarrass Plaintiff’s counsel in front of his pencil-dick-smug-as-shit-asshole client (the public bitchslap).

Do not taunt happy fun ball. Or accuse him of ethical misconduct. Because it will not end well for you.