Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Caffeine Fueled Attorney and the Epic of Fail

I’m sitting in the courtroom this morning waiting for the morning motion hearings to begin. At that moment, I’m conferring with opposing counsel on a few minor matters (i.e. Tiger Wood’s progress at the Barclays). The judge enters, we stand, we sit and the first case gets called.

The lead attorney on this case has had her coffee this morning as she nearly sprints towards the bench. The two other attorneys commence their stroll towards the judge when the first attorney starts: “Beth Smith on behalf of the Movant, ABC corporation, your honor, I would like to address my argument in three distinct points…”

It’s about this point that the other attorneys finally reach the bench.

“Judge Jones…” The caffeine fueled attorney continues as rapid fire pace, “It is clear that we are entitled to an order entered in our favor if you look your past rulings in this case, the new case law on this matter and more importantly looking at the supreme court’s recent…” This attorney is oblivious to the fact that the judge has his hand up and hoping to stop her before she really gets into it.


She is too wrapped up in her argument to realize the judge has actually spoken. Mind you, she brought a court reporter to her argument today that was dutifully transcribing everything that was being said in front of this Judge. “Counsel, let me stop you there,” she finally looks up and stops talking, “I can see from the file that this is a case that Judge Jones has ruled extensively on in the past and as I am just covering today, why don’t we enter and continue this for when Judge Jones is back on the bench. Does that sound good to you?”

“You’re not Judge Jones?”

I couldn’t see the entire face of this attorney from my vantage point, but I could definitely see the Judge’s name placard sitting directly in front of him (and within 24 inches of her mouth) that clearly established that the judge was not named “Jones” not the mention this Judge looks nothing like Judge Jones. But yet, this realization seemed to escape her:

“I really thought you were Judge Jones.”

I love confident and knowledgeable representation in the morning.