Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Lawyers should reinvent the wheel, part II

I wrote several months back about how I would modify a UCC financing statement into user friendly, PG-13 language. Today’s task in re-writing the overworded, I give you the confidentiality agreement:

Option A: Legalese infused with a bouquet of $5 words
This confidentiality agreement and order is binding on Plaintiff’s counsel, the Plaintiffs, Defendant’s counsel and the Defendants. Any information that is the subject of or related to the discovery processes shall be deemed confidential information that is subject to this agreement. Any and all information including but not limited to the information sought by the Defendants that is disclosed by or on behalf of the Plaintiffs through deposition or other discovery process (as defined by the applicable Supreme Court Rules) shall be treated as confidential information subject to this agreement (herein after the “Confidential Information”). Confidential Information obtained through the discovery processes (described in paragraph three above) shall be kept confidential by the attorney of record for each respective Defendant & each Defendant. At no time shall the Confidential Information that is disclosed be transmitted to any person or third parties other than the attorney of record for each respective Defendant and a single designated and identified representative from each Defendant. For purposes of this agreement “Any other person or third party” includes, but is not limited to private investigators, non-lawyers, etc. Defendant’s counsel believes that disclosure of the Confidential Information to someone other than the people set forth in paragraph four above is necessary, Defendant’s counsel must provide written notice to Plaintiff’s counsel and receive written authorization from Plaintiff’s counsel specifically agreeing to the disclosure requested by Plaintiff’s counsel. Plaintiff’s counsel shall not unreasonably withhold this authorization. If Plaintiff and Defendant’s counsel cannot agree on the requested disclosure, the question shall be submitted to the Court with all parties filings made under seal. Prior to the commencement of the discovery process, Defendant’s counsel and the single, indentified and described representative, disclosed by each Defendant and disclosed pursuant to the terms and provisions of this agreement, shall agree to the terms of this confidentiality agreement and order. If the terms and conditions of this agreement are violated, a complaint shall be filed with the Court under seal and the Court shall determine the appropriate remedy for said violation.

Option B: The Economy of Words
I tell you stuff and you shut the f*** up. If you don’t shut the f*** up, I get to break your face.