Monday, May 04, 2009

The Monday Morning Open Letter to the Male Scooter User

Dear Skippy:

You and I were right next to each other as we left a train station that was teeming with humanity this morning. You stopped right in front of me as we were exiting the building. Your sudden reduction in speed almost caused me to trip over your rolly-backpack that you immediately began to dig through. Thanks.

Your sudden stop was your first strike, the fact that I hate rolly backpacks was your second and you inflicted the third strike all by yourself.

I would love to know what you were thinking when you took out that foot scooter and then made an attempt to ‘scoot’ your way out of the pedestrian traffic. Apparently, they didn’t teach you in scooter school that this is not a good idea on jam-packed city sidewalks. Just because you are on something with wheels, doesn’t mean that you are going to navigate traffic any quicker than the rest of us.

You might have heard me say: “I want to cross-check that guy into the bridge.” You might not have, I won’t ever know. One thing is for sure, the group of women that was around you all heard me. And they all laughed at you. And they all smiled at me.

On behalf of men everywhere, I am taking this opportunity to permanently revoke your man card.

May God have mercy on your soul,