First Rule of Firm Life: Blame the Associate

Two partners and I were standing around the fax machine when a muy importante fax started to come in. And then it stops halfway through saying that the paper is of the incorrect size. This genius piece of equipment does this when it is feeling moody: 10 pages into a fax and bam…wrong paper size…I hate when technology eats a contract.

Being the technically savvy one of the three I attempt to remedy the situation. No luck. I attempt to find a secretary. Out to lunch. I launch a repeat attempt to remedy the error message. Same result. Then I swear at the machine [that has to work, right?]

Partner: Calm down, no need to get angry
Me: The thing is a piece of junk
Partner: Like I said, no need to attack the poor machine.
Me: Pot, Kettle, Kettle, Pot.
Partner: I’ll see what I can do.

I head to make a phone to the opposing counsel that is sending the fax and ask for him to resend it. No sooner have I started to dial when I hear:

Partner: YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING PAIN IN THE ASS! [Hits the side of the fax machine] WORK DAMNIT...FUCK!

A little while later another attorney attempts to make it work. He can do no better. And then he asks what happened:

Partner: It’s Namby’s fault, he wasn’t talking nice to it.

Update: The Secretary fixed it with three button clicks and a kind look