Friday, January 05, 2007

The Third Year Battle

I went back to the doctor table to get the 15 staples taken out of my leg [yes, it was as nasty as it sounds]. I didn't have the honor of the surgeon taking out the handy work. The resident wasn't doing the work. Not even the nurse.

I got Dr. Third-Year-Med-Student ("3YMS")

In this corner, hailing from Tufts University, Northwestern Medical, and a family full of Doctors, weighing in at a featherweight 155 pounds and standing 5'7 is Third Year Medical Student.

Sitting across from him, hailing from the City of Chicago, without a top tier educational background, and a family chocked full of lawyers, weighing at 180lbs, standing 5'11 and a bad left knee is the Third Year Law Student.

This fight is scheduled to go 15 rounds... Let's get ready to rummmmmmmmmble!!!

3YMS: "This shouldn't hurt a bit"
Me: "That's what everyone has been telling me, Doc..."
3YMS: "If it hurts, I must be doing something wrong"
Me: "Well, let's get to it"

The 3YMS proceeds to take a set of miniature pliers and go to work.

3YMS: "So what type of law do you want to practice?" [One staple out...little discomfort]
Me: "I want to be in the Courtroom, so trial law" [2 staples]
3YMS: " you going to sue...doctors?" [#3 out...pain level rising]
Me: "No, I think I would rather do defense work of some sort...maybe insurance defense"
3YMS: "Well, that's good to hear...I'll probably need a lawyer one day"

At Staple #4, things begin to take a turn...during this, I'm sitting in a chair grabbing onto the armrest on my left side and the table to my right with enough force to break the wood. As any prudent person would say:

Me: "HOLY FUCK THAT HURTS!!!" [This is exactly what I screamed at him...I felt like a fish that had a hook still inside of him being twisted around. After a breath or two...I've calmed down a little bit] "Can I light of the pain and flop sweat that I have just endured...what is going on?"
3YMS: "This staple seems to be bent...and stuck"
Me: "Bent? Stuck?"
3YMS: "I'm going to take a few of the others out below it to see if I can loosen it up..."

He proceeds to remove these other staples in a loosening attempt. They come out with relative ease, by this I mean it doesn't feel like I'm being stabbed by an ice pick.

3YMS: "From here it shouldn't hurt any more, I promise"
Me: "Doc, you better not be getting my hopes up"
3YMS: "I know! [He hits slaps his forehead] I realized as soon as it came from my lips that I shouldn't have said that...I can't promise"
Me: "How about this, if it hurts again as badly as it did before, I'll just whack you upside the head with my book"

When they send a Medical Student in to do the dirty work, take it from me, Run.