Tuesday, October 03, 2006

How I almost got kicked out of Medieval Times

So, even though they serve cocktails by the gallon, being loud and inebriated at Medieval Times is not necessarily accepted. So about an hour into the show (2 Red Bull Vodkas, 2 Tequila Shots, and 8 Beers), I was being a little uppity and it just so happened that a security guard/hobbit-like individual walked by as I was being supportive of my side's Green Knight.

Me: Red knight has the Syph! You're a pussy Red!!!
5-Foot, 2-Inch Supervisor: Uhh...sir...we need you to watch your language
Me: What language? What are you talking about?
5-Foot, 2-Inch Supervisor: Sir, there are children present, this establishment caters to those who are under the age of 5 and there is no need for the p-bomb.
Me: What the hell is the p-bomb?
5-Foot, 2-Inch Supervisor: [Whispers] Pussy...
Me: Pussy is the p-bomb? Wow...and I only thought fuck was a bomb worthy word
5-Foot, 2-Inch Supervisor: Please sir, watch your language or I will have to ask you to leave
Me: So what can I say? Pansy?
5-Foot, 2-Inch Supervisor: I'd prefer that you didn't
Me: How about Pamby? Can I call the Red Knight a bed-wetting Namby Pamby?
5-Foot, 2-Inch Supervisor: Yes, you can call him that
Me: [Yelling] Hey Red Knight! You're a gonorrhea infected namby-pamby douchebag!!!
5-Foot, 2-Inch Supervisor: That's better...but please...I don't want to have to come back here again [He walks away]
My friend who was sitting next to me the whole time this episode was occurring: Hey Yellow Knight! You're a pissed stained shit bag that couldn't fuck a sheep!!! I hope you take a fucking joust in the fucking head, asshole!!! [Turns to me] What? He was talking to you...not me.