Just another failure to communicate

Caller: My girl told me if I got hurt for any reason, I can call you and you can give me money.
Me: That’s not exactly how it works, but why don’t you tell me what happened.
Caller: I was a friend of my friend’s house borrowing a movie and I slipped down the stairs.
Me: What caused you to fall down the stairs?
Caller: The dude who’s home I was in hit me in the face.
Me: What?
Caller: He didn’t know I was there.
Me: You were borrowing a movie and he didn’t know you were in his house.
Caller: Naww.
Me: You’re lucky he didn’t shoot you.
Caller: I’d shot him back.
Me: Not if he’d killed you.