Lawyers behaving badly. Before the judge.

Some courts allow agreed matters before beginning the bulk of a daily call. This usually entails basic a discovery matter or service issues and the attorneys spend less than 37 seconds in front of the judge telling them what they've done and when they want to come back to do this again.

In actuality, it is glorified speed dating.

Every once in while, attorneys try to shoe horn a non-agreed matter before the judge and it throws the whole process off. It gets really unsettling when there is a line of attorneys attempting to get their most basic of matters heard and this non-agreed matter is droning on and on. And that is where I found myself today.

I was number two in line on this particular agreed call when the gaggle of attorneys in front of me get into a fight over scheduling (lawyering is a very mature business, folks). This matter goes on for nearly ten minutes.

At that point, one of the attorneys behind me said ever so softly "This is taking way too effing long". As this is one of my former opposing counsel that I am friendly with, I turn around and responded: "Just for you, I am going to take as long as possible." This lawyer is a rather imposing individual but has a teddy bear like quality to him. He whispered his response without missing a beat: "If you take your time, you are going to find my size 14 shoe up your ass."

Wouldn't you know that just as I am doing my best to turn away from the bench to hide that I am failing to suppress laughter while turning beat red my case gets called.

I love the courtroom.