Thursday, December 16, 2010

Checklist for a Successful Thursday

____ Find the old partner asleep as his desk from previous night when you arrive at the office (be sure that he is in fact asleep and not, in fact, dead).

____ Endure fifteen minute client screaming session directed at you for ‘not being able to do anything fast enough’ and ‘not caring about her motherfu**ing kids’. [Extra credit: engage in 15 minute prayer that said client is not packing any weapon]

____ Skip court ordered briefing deadline for a motion that you will lose. Twice.

___ Take eight phone calls from one client who is attempting to induce you to unknowingly commit insurance fraud while coming up with eight different reasons why you have not done what she is asking you to do.

____ Get fired by the client who doesn’t have a case.

____ Discover the answer to the client question: “My lights have been turned off, I have no money and I can’t get food, what am I supposed to?”

____ Take, but fail to engage in any meaningful conversation while doing so, the twenty-four minute phone call with the client that is perpetually stoned.

____ Avoid drinking until after 4pm.