If only I could say what I mean

What I say: "In order to be able to respond to counsel's and the opposing party's baseless allegations, my client needs discovery and depositions."

What I mean: "My client is a lying sack of monkey-spunk and I have the misfortune of getting into a battle where the other side is bigger, stronger and right...but I need to make sure that I don't get sued by the client after they fire me."

It's 10pm and I hate spewing legalese representing scumbags.