Basterdizing the English Language: By the Numbers

The General Theme: Crate falls on man. Man hurt. Man sues.

Hours until the Statute of Limitations runs out: 28.
Complaints Needed: 1
Words used to identify the crate: 36 (In one sentence)
Words used to say why the crate fall was negligence: 298
Defendant’s failings: 22
Defendant’s acts of carelessness: 7
Defendant needs a hug after I get done writing this: Yes.
The number of times I am reminded that I am writing about Res Ipsa Loquitur: Once every 24.3 seconds
Number of violations alleged of the Illinois Premises Liability Act: 15
Why only 15: I got lazy.
Number of paragraphs with the phrase “On or about”: 13
Number of paragraphs in the complaint: 24
Number of Counts contained in the complaint: 2
Number of sentences with the word “and” three or more times contained in it: 4
Total Number of times ‘and’ and ‘or’ is used in this complaint: 217
Total Words: 2129