Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Career Services: Censors, Jackasses, and Incompetent Twits

Career Services sends me all sorts of e-mails about every single job fair that does not apply to me. Normally, I delete these useless emails because I just don't think that I am what they call "African-Aleutian Transgender Libertarian " or whatever other targeted job fair they may be advertising. I would go to the Male Fat Dumb Happy Law Fair though...but I digress...

Yesterday, my vaunted Career Services Office sends out an e-mail for a resume collection for a job that interests me announcing that the deadline is April 23rd at 11:59pm. I get this email yesterday morning, so I go about attempting to submit my resume. The Career Services Office has this fucking annoying piece of shit 'nifty' computer system that allows an individual to submit everything electronically. I looked through the files that I had uploaded last semester during my less than successful attempt at OCI and realized that I needed to update my resume with two important entries: 1) Deans List and 2) Trial Team National Championship. I believe that these two items are things that set me apart from the average law student and thus, I would like a prospective employer to know about.

I update my resume, upload it, and delete the old entry. I now go to submit the resume to the potential employer. I get a friendly message that goes something like this:

Thank you for using Career Services. Before you can submit your resume to an employer it must be reviewed and approved by Career Service Staff. We will contact you shortly.
Great. Two lines of added text and now I have to wait. I am not the waiting type so I call the office and attempt to speed things up. I get told that I have to talk to my personal career guidance counselor [who I never knew I had] in order to address this situation, but it was just my luck that she was out of the office until the mid-afternoon yesterday. So I did have to wait. She calls:
Her: Thanks for leaving me a message. What would you like to talk about?
Me: I want to apply for the job that your office just sent us all an e-mail about and I needed to update my resume with two additional items.
Her: Ah yes. Well, you have to understand that I have a lot of resumes to review and it could take some time to get to yours.
Me: That's why I am calling. I just have these two items to add to the resume that your office already approved. The deadline that you just announced is in about 10 hours and I would like to apply for this job.
Her: That job sounds just up your alley. Well, I'll see what I can do.
Me: That would be great! Thanks much.
And now I wait for her approval so I can actually apply for this position. One Hour. Two. Five. Midnight approaches and no word. There goes the deadline. Thanks Career Services. Fastforward to 1pm today when I get this e-mail:
Thank you for submitting your resume. After a cursory review and critique of your resume, we believe that revisions should be made to more effectively market your skills and abilities to employers. Accordingly, your resume has not been approved for posting.
Say what?

You're telling me that the various lawyers, one former hiring partner, and two current headhunters who helped me craft the current incarnation of my resume are dumb? They know less than you? Interesting. Did you notice that the resume that previously was in your system was exactly the same except for the addition of nine words: Dean's List; National White Collar Crime Trial Competition Champions. My response to my 'Career Counselor' was quite simple:
I have received your critiques and comments of my resume. I respectfully disagree with them and, as such, will not incorporate them into my resume. Thank you for your time.
If the above e-mail does not succeed in getting my resume in the system this is what will be sent:
All I wanted was to get my resume to a potential employer. You have prevented me in accomplishing my goal. I don't need nor do I want your suggestions for my resume. Please remember this conversation when you ask me for a donation three weeks after I graduate.
I hate Career Services.