Saturday, March 10, 2007

I failed at the MPRE

Not the test you idiot...the test went plenty fine.

I got to the testing center about 10 minutes before the test was to begin and it was packed. What was with these people? Geez. I figured that money would motivate sleep deprived law students and I also figured that I needed a good laugh. So I started to talk to those around me. It would begin as small talk, then I would put on the sales pitch:

"Look at all these people. That guy there has the fear of God in his eyes. That girl...well...she's shaking. What do you say we have a little fun? I'll give you one hundred dollars, fifty now and fifty after the test if twenty minutes into the test you stand up. You stand up and scream at the top of your lungs, "FUCK THIS, I JUST WANT TO SHRED DOCUMENTS FOR ENRON!" and then run screaming from the testing hall."
I started this line out on two attractive ladies who laughed but respectfully declined. I found three guys who looked like they would be up for it only to be shot down. I finally got to my seat. A nervous but cute girl to my right looked like a prime candidate to make the pitch on, however:
"I get really nervous taking tests. This is actually the third time I'm taking the MPRE. I just took the bar exam for the second time. I'm just sick of taking these tests."
I guess I can't exactly ask her to run screaming from the room...but that doesn't stop me from asking the three people to my left including several of my classmates. Still, no takers. I got one girl from my school up to $150, but then she backed down. I figured that this would be a great way to freak out the gunners, the anal retentatives, and all the students from University of Chicago law. Yet, I couldn't get it done.

The highlight of the actual testing process itself came when the proctor was explaining to the entire banquet hall in minute detail how to fill in the various name, address, and social security bubbles on the scantron. Now, as much as I like to waste 10 minutes filling out something that scientists have trained monkeys to do, I don't think that it takes much brain power to complete this simple task. You should be able to follow the instructions and complete it without much issue. Not so. A voice from 10 rows behind me boomed out: "COULD YOU PLEASE SLOW DOWN, I'M CAN'T KEEP UP!" You must be joking. My response, which should have been louder and in his general direction, "Must be a Chicago student."

I finished the test up about 45 minutes early, got out of the room, and waited for a few people to show up. One by one they started to trickle out. The fellow rabble-rouser I was waiting for finally made it out, but he was waiting for another one of our friends, so we waited even longer. I told him of my planned pranked and how I couldn't get any takers. Then we started shooting the shit about other things we could do to make the test more fun for those still inside. And out came my wallet:
Me: Twenty bucks if you drop your pants and run through the testing hall
Wayward Esquire: Just twenty? Is that boxers or nothing at all?
Me: Twenty-five if you bare all [Waving the cash in front of him]
WE: {A contemplative pause} The problem would be getting out of the room. The other side has to be locked and I bet there are security cameras around here.
Me: Twenty six.
That was my MPRE experience. For those that took it, I hope you had fun with it. If I didn't pass it, I will be ashamed. In 5 weeks, I'll let you all know the results, and if I did flunk it, you can mock me relentlessly.