And the Professor thinks to himself, "This is an amazing paper"

My Friend: My Next Final is Friday
Me: You’ve got loads of time! Why aren’t you going out tonight?
My Friend: Yeah, but I got to get a lot of stuff done between then and now, and I have to finish a research paper, and it's my mom's b-day, and I have my interview on Monday, and a buddy is coming into town.
Me: You forgot to include the part of where you write my paper
My Friend: Look, it'll take me about 20 minutes to Xerox my cock and balls as many times as you need to fill out your paper. Don't worry about it, I got it covered