Monday, July 03, 2006

An Open Letter to the Douchebag in the BMW SUV

Dear Douchebag,

I would like to congratulate you on your recent purchased of an overpriced, but flashy looking, Sports Utility Vehicle. It takes a man with a deep wallet and a lack of creativity to buy the car that everyone else has in Lincoln Park, and you sir, fit that bill.

I write to you today because of our recent interaction at a Lincoln Park Intersection. A few things for you to consider: 1) I had the right of way 2) You ran the stop sign, and 3) I have a 1996 Mercury Sable that I don't care about getting scratched up. These factors all should have been going through your head after you decided, in a show of protest that rivals the actions of Cindy Sheehan, to stop in the middle of the intersection to block my car from moving.

Your 'evil eye' stare was quite 'frightening' considering you looked about as intimidating as an 'impotent field mouse'. I hope that you did not take umbrage at my actions when I released the brake and hit the gas. I noticed that once I did, you gave up your firm stance in front of my car and decided to tuck your tail between your four wheel drive to fight another day.

So, Douchebag, next time don't get pissed when I am exercising my right of way while you are running the stop sign and also don't get mad when I plow my POS Mercury into the side of your nice, new BMW. I'm fully insured and I have a perfect driving record whereas you broke the law to begin with. Either way, you lose and I win.