Monday, April 03, 2006

Jack's Back

The Framers did not intend for the Fourth Amendment to apply to Jack Bauer

'Exigent Circumstances' is what Jack Bauer calls his bullets

Jack Bauer's cell phone/pda never drops a call, win a World Series for the Cubs, and engage in warrantless wiretapping with the ACLU's approval

When Jack Bauer says "I'm afraid" what happens:

  1. Two rounds in the chest from the back
  2. Two rounds in the head from 50 feet away
  3. A sniper will end up missing Jack Bauer's stealth-like approach only to grabbed from behind and have Jack Bauer make him the human pez dispenser
  4. Cunning, conniving, and suave Wayne Palmer becomes the won't-shoot-the-bad-guy-in-the-back-like-Jack Bauer Wayne Brady
  5. All of the above