Law school is for you!

Dear Group of Prospective Law Students That I Leered At as You Were Sitting in the Admissions Office Conference Room,

Welcome to the school. Seriously, I can tell you all hope to become proud graduates of this prestigious institution. You all still have that sparkle in your eyes that indicates that: you still possess the ability to think like a normal human being, have yet to see the movie The Paper Chase, and never taken part in a rousing game of Gunner Bingo.

I can see that nervous excitement in your eyes. You think you are on the verge of going from soon-to-be college graduate, to a law-school-graduate, and then right into the waiting BMW 750 with the trophy girl/boy sitting shotgun as the money just oozes out of you like flop sweat on a janitor. Your career goal is laudable, Lord knows I had it once (hell, after seeing Legally Blonde for like the sixth time, I woke up one day and was totally convinced that I was going to go to Harvard Law!).

It’s not my job to skew your perspective or to expose you to the harsh reality that all of you won’t be on law review. Everyone will have the grades to grade on to law review during the first three months of school, I guarantee it. You really shouldn't worry that our career placement sent out an e-mail three days ago seeing if there was anyone interested in baby-sitting.

Finally, I feel that I need to apologize. I realize that running head first into the glass wall that separates the hallway from the conference room while screaming at the top of my lungs “Save yourself! Don’t let this place steal your soul!!!” might have left you with a bad impression. If I ruined your first visit to the school, I am genuinely sorry.

So once again, I hope you all get in and start off on the right foot.

Sincerely,
The Namby Pamby