Monday, December 26, 2005

Screw Oxford, I'm Going With Ambrose Bierce

A few creative definitions for you as listed on Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary:

Justice: A commodity which is a more or less aduleterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for allegiance, taxes, and personal service

Lawyer: One skilled in the circumvention of the law

Liar: A Lawyer with a roving comission

Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possession's

Litigant: A person who is willing to give up his skin to retain his bones

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage

Overwork: A dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing.

Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting

Redress: Reparation without satisfaction

Truthful: Dumb and illiterate