Asked and Answered: The Weather in Chicago

Asked: How do you know when it is too cold outside?

Answered: When your iPod headphone cord freezes. This is a sign. It’s plastic and metal. And it’s frozen. Time to get in doors, under the blankets, and let Dennis Quaid save the world from Global Warming.

Asked: When it is One Degree Fahrenheit, do you still look like a douchebag when you have popped your collar?

Answered: Sadly, yes. Despite of this, you will be a warm douchebag. That’s what really matters and to be honest, I don’t mind looking like a douche once in a while.

Asked: What is the proper communication method to let someone know that they have frozen snot all over their face?

Answered: The gut instinct would be to respond by laughing hysterically and pointing in a mocking manner at the individual. But, this is forgetting the simple fact that you too, by virtue of being in the same God-forsaken Chicago climate, may have snot frozen under the nose and over your face. The proper communication technique is to debonairly check your nose and face to make sure that you have no similar accumulation and then you can laugh and point at the person.