Wednesday, May 02, 2007

An Oral Stress Reliever

I'm standing in the kitchen, setting up the advanced brew on the coffee pot for tomorrow morning. The Roommate and his Fiance are spooning on the couch. And scene:

Me: Roommate, you want coffee tomorrow?
Roommate: Sure.
Me: Fiance, do you want coffee tomorrow?
The Roommate's Fiance: No, I don't drink coffee anymore.
Me: Divorce her now!!!
Roommate: You don't drink coffee anymore?!?!?
The Roommate's Fiance: No, because I am getting Migraines.
Me: Coffee doesn't cause your migraines, stress causes your migraines. More coffee will reduce your stress. Just like giving your fiance more blowjobs will reduce your stress.
The Roommate's Fiance: Hey, can you turn around for a second, I need to perform some stress reduction on your roommate.
Roommate: ...Sperm is the ultimate stress reliever...
Me: Speaking from experience?
Roommate: ...For WOMEN!!!